Showing vs. Telling
From a National Science Foundation Graduate Research Fellowship application:
"An astronaut snake, a fire-breathing tiger, and an ant. As a balloon artist, I have become accustomed to strange requests that I have never made before. But, like any good scientist, I have a process. I imagine how that particular animal or object could be accurately represented in balloon form, break the structure down into smaller pieces that I know how to make, and then create the structure in a forward fashion. Organic synthesis is a lot like making balloon animals. At first glance, each molecule or animal looks completely unique, but in actuality, most are different arrangements of similar building blocks. So, when I took my first organic chemistry course at the age of 16, it immediately clicked. I fell in love with solving synthesis problems and was excited by its relevance in pharmaceuticals, providing an opportunity to advance medicine and improve patient outcomes. By the time I was selecting a college, finding a school that would give me the opportunity to conduct research in organic synthesis was my first priority. This led me to come to the University of Pittsburgh, a university with a strong chemistry department and emphasis on undergraduate research."
Why does this work?
- Unconventional opening that draws the reader in.
- Clever and distinctive connection between personal experience and research interest.
- Succinct writing that guides the reader from clever opening to its connection to research interest.